In between trying to find a good guacamole recipe and creeping Google for the ongoing saga whether Harry Styles is possibly, maybe, almost confirmed as being cast in Dunkirk which, although hasn’t started filming is set to hit theaters on 7/21/2017 so look, I’m busy that day, I’ve determined I’m really bad with author promotions.
Oh, and then I cut 11 inches of my hair off.  On a whim.
Then I dyed it purple.
But I digress.
Here’s what I’ve determined you have to have in order to set a fabulous marketing campaign up:

• Money
• Lots of money

A relatively popular review magazine will review your book–for $500 bucks.  That was out.  Then I looked up advertising costs on some bookish blogs/websites.  The cheapest I found was around $70 for a shared advertising space on the side.
What about us poor kids?  You know, those of us who are still paying off student loans (until the end of time, gosh darn it!!!!) and are still trying to figure out how to peddle their books.  You know, to make enough money to throw it back in to advertising so we can sell enough books to make enough money to do more advertising.
Can’t.  Figure.  It.  Out.
Luckily, I found Hungry Author and they are much more affordable.  And awesome.
Meanwhile, my cowriter Rebecca Hamilton has been working her ass off doing promotions on the boxed set Paranormal After Dark.  Note: this is currently the only place you can get my book Haunt.
And this happened:

Neil Gaiman?  76.  Stephen King?  77.  Heather Hambel Curley?  73.
Tonight, for this itty bitty blip time, I’m more popular than Stephen King.
Smells like…victory.
Yeah, I know, it’s obviously like ranking the political candidates.  This isn’t real life or by no means accurate.  Whatev.  I have the screen shot to prove that I was ranked higher than Stephen King.  I mean, at one point tonight I was ranked 34 in horror.  And for someone who has had a miserable two weeks in the writing department, this was the little self esteem boost I needed.
So, tonight I’ll bask in the glow of the shiny orange banner next to our book noting it’s a #1 Amazon Best Seller and ponder what I’ll say to Harry Styles when I meet him on the red carpet for Dunkirk (look, I have no hobbies.  I’ve selected fangirl as my hobby).  And then it’s back to writing, trying to get this next book done….so I can fail miserably at marketing some more.
I raise my glass to you guys tonight: to the dreamers like me.  Keep writing!