Hold onto your butts.

Well, at least that’s what Jurassic Park prompts us to do.  The British prompt us to “Carry On.”  Every stupid meme on the internet wants us to do something: wear heels, love Daryl Dixon, eat more cheese.  Granted, I find all those to be legit ideas.  The way my week is going, I’m happy to Keep calm and carry on while wearing heels and eating more cheese with Daryl Dixon.  And he can hold onto my butt if he wants, whatever.

I’m over the meme.  Though, I spent far too much time trying to debate what my own personal meme would be, if I wanted to hop on the meme bandwagon.  Keep calm and be weird?  Keep calm and eat chocolate bars at 10:58 at night (because, yes, I totally just did that)?  Keep calm and party with Gatsby?  I just bought a t-shirt this week with the original cover of The Great Gatsby on it and the phrase “I party with Gatsby” so, yeah, there you go.  Keep calm and party with Gatsby.  It’ll all work out in the end.

This week, guys.  This week.  Here’s a sampling of what’s going on in my world:

• Work (imagine this said with great exaggeration and dramatic arm flailing)
• The Toddler cut a big chunk of hair off the side of his head, so how he looks like Forrest Gump in profile
• I’m too tired to live
• It was 88.5 degrees in the house yesterday afternoon and I literally came home and took my pants off in the middle of the kitchen.  The middle of the kitchen.
• We discovered a three-foot long black snake lounging in a tree outside our house.  I wish I could say I lived somewhere exotic, but this is Pennsylvania.  The only thing hanging out in our trees are bored squirrels and Christmas lights.

My novel writing is progressing at the speed of turtles stampeding through a vat of molasses.  I just can’t get into it this week, though, that could be due in part to the fact I keep falling asleep on the floor.  Not just random floors, but specifically the floor in the Rowdy Boys room when I’m getting them to bed at night.    This has just been a frazzled, nonsense filled week of heat and disappointment.  My computer crashed three times today at work and I literally didn’t know what to do.  I was like, do I just go home?  Is it possible to work without a computer?  It’s only 9:30, so lunch is out…

Blech.  I’ve got no use for this nonsense.  It’s like, reverse seasonal affective disorder.  My body is used to negative degree temperatures and frozen pipes.  What do you mean I can wear flip-flops and shorts?  I’m so blindingly pale and pasty, I’m reflecting the sun at this point.

Within the next few weeks, though, I have a glorious week off of work to chill, write, relax, and then go to Gettysburg for a reenactment.  Yay!  Lace up my corset, baby.  This kid is headed back to the ‘burg.

So, in the meantime, I’m working on keeping calm.  The writing will get there.  Work is work.  The Toddler’s hair will eventually grow back.  In the meantime, I’ll just eat some more chocolate.  Because if you can’t be calm, you might as well be happy.  Neurotic and leaving chocolate fingerprints everywhere.  That’s me.

And, as I sit here trying to come up with a witty ending so I can go to sleep and do this all again tomorrow, a bug just tried to fly up my nose.  Darn it, nature.  Stay outside.  It’s like this week when we found the stupid snake in the tree.  It only solidified my ongoing conclusion that my favorite part of going outside, is coming inside.  Where I can be calm and chocolate covered and asleep on the floor.  Take that nature.  You keep your distance, I’ll keep mine.