Requesting book reviews is so hard, I had to eat cake

Well, to be fair, I probably would have eaten the cake anyway.

Two days ago, I celebrated the fourth anniversary of my 29th birthday.  Ehhhhh.  Three years into my Dirty Thirties and I ate a lot of cake, chip-chop ham (what’s up, Pittsburgh food?), and weird quinoa chips that I’m still not sure how I felt about.  And then I went to bed early.

Today’s list of Things To Do includes:

  • Blog (yo yo yo)
  • P90x3 (it’s currently 90 degrees out, so I’m putting that on the proverbial back burner)
  • Run (natch)
  • Request reviews for With Me Now

Now.

Let’s talk about requesting reviews.  On a scale of 1 to 10, with one being bad and 10 being “Invade Russia in Winter”, requesting book reviews was a firm and stressful 3. Maybe a 4.  Here’s how it works:

1.  Research reviewers

My time was cut down but utilizing the Indie Book Reviewers List.

2.  Decide if reviews are a) accepting paranormal books and b) accepting reviews at all.

Because a lot of reviewers aren’t.

3.  Write witty request, personalized and individualized but still professional and awesome.

Poor spellers need not apply.

4.  Attach book with some emails, some without, some with my picture, and that one I forgot to attach my cover to, even though it was in her submission request guidelines.

**Important note** read their submission guidelines.  Requesting a review is horrifically similar to send query letters to agents.  You wouldn’t slide the printed copy of your 800 pages manuscript under the stall door in the mall, would you?  No.  Well, you shouldn’t.  Look, I don’t even like making eye contact with people in the restrooms at the mall, so if you’re out trying to approach agents/reviewers/potential dates/Harry Styles in the bathroom, just stop.  For all of us.  Stop.

5.  Wait.

I went through like, four pages on the website and got so stressed out, I cut myself a generous slice of leftover birthday cake and took a break.  Yieeeesh.  Why is this so hard?  This shouldn’t be hard.  I wrote the darn book.  I’m generally familiar with myself.  So, why can’t I just bundle it all up into a tidy email?

Who knows.  I’m sure it’s some kind of fear of rejection/having lived too close to creosote and nuclear power plants for the majority of my life.  I’m socially awkward.  This is why you need to come to my book review/release/lets hang out at a winery in Gettysburg next month.  Watch me avert eye contact and say noncommittal things like, “Wow, thank you so much for coming out!  This is so awesome!”

Completely unrelated: I’m sitting here blogging while Younger Son is watching Sesame Street.  Of note, I’m really not thrilled with wrong sounding Muppets and Will.I.Am is singing and honestly looks so bored that I’m just waiting for him to storm offstage or kick a Muppet.  Ugh, 1980s.  I crave you.

Anyway.

So, I’ll post if/when reviews ever get posted for With Me Now.  I do, in fact, have one awesome review posted by my girl, Theophania.  Read it here.  And while you’re at it, be my friend on Goodreads.  People get very excited about Goodreads and I use like, an nth of a percent of it.  I need to get better at the far reaches of social media.  Jeez Louise.

Okay, break time is over.  Back to the salt mines.

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