Inquiring about book tours: And still, no one cares about my GPA.

When I was a youngster and in my senior year of college, I reflected upon my GPA and how the stupid B- in Macroeconomics ruined it.  Mathematically, I couldn’t raise my GPA any higher, no matter how hard I worked.  Farewell, dreams of Summa Cum Laude.  I graduated Magna Cum Laude with a GPA of  3.93 and they even gave me an extra tassel for my cap (green and purple for the High GPA Society I was in, aka Alpha Chi) and a silver medal.  You know, silver.  First loser behind the gold medal winning Summas.

I know.  Talk about your problems.

Anyway, there was this salacious rumor that went around college: that being, the higher your GPA, the better it’s going to look on your resume!  The faster you will be hired!  Study, study, study, undergrads!

HAHAHAHAHAHA, lies.

No, employers didn’t care how high my GPA was.  They didn’t care I graduated with honors.  Apparently what employers for entry-level Communications jobs were looking for was experience.  Experience I didn’t have, since my only so-called professional experience was a promotions internship at ESPN Radio and a public relations internship at a Catholic Convent.  And four years of college.

“Wait.  Communications is a real degree?” said Shocker Mess extraordinaire and facial hair god, Mark.  “That’s not just what football players fall back on?  So, what are you going to do if you don’t make it as quarterback?  Oh, somethin’.  I’m majoring in Communications.”

Laugh it up.

So, here it is ten–TEN–years later and I find myself once again applying.  Not for a job (I secretly love Day Job), but for places to hold book signings for the Heather Hambel Curley 2015 Book Tour Extravaganza, also known as “Girl Peddling Book.”  Be there or be square.

It’s horrifying.

Maybe not as horrifying as the letters I sent trying to get peer reviews/endorsements for my book.  But this ranks right up there, rubbing shoulders with the likes of “Going to the Doctor” and “Spiders.”  Inquiring about book tours.

I’m coming to find out that peddling books is a lot less glamour and a lot more professional/business/uncomfortable shoes.  These are things Stephen King and JK Rowling aren’t telling us.  I have one business suit that I last wore when I interviewed for Day Job.  Actually, that’s a lie because I don’t have the skirt anymore.  When I interviewed for Day Job, I was seven weeks post-partum from having The Preschooler and I couldn’t squeeze into a skirt to save my life.  I even tried lacing myself up in a corset and I still looked like a chocolate éclair with frosting bursting out the sides.  Terrible.  Anyway, look, this has nothing to do with book signings.  The point is, I bought a new skirt for the interview and Lord knows I’m going to end up buying a new outfit for the book signing.  Hopefully book signings, because it’s going to be a pitiful book tour if I go to one place and the only people who show up are the people in my family.

Now, that’s something else to worry about.

Anyway, to kick off the 2014 “I have nothing to wear” Tour, I bought Go Go Boots.  Yes.  You read that right, Go Go Boots.  White ones, to be specific.  I’ve always wanted Go Go Boots and, at some point this week, I realized I was an adult and can do what I want.  Take that!

So then I bought some vintage dresses–one of which I plan on wearing to my book release party along with my white Go Go Boots.

My mother inquired why I would wear Go Go Boots to a Civil War book release party.  My top three reasons:

  • I have the legs to pull it off
  • I’m not dressing in my 1860s gear for an 1860s era book because that’s cheesy and, although I’m pretty cheesy, I refuse to be cliché
  • I’m not wearing a business suit to a book release party because it’s hard to dance in a business suit.

I doubt there will be dancing.  But, if any of you want to take me out for drinks afterwards, I need to be ready to get my groove on.

shirt photoThis shirt also topped my list of things to wear, but it’s possibly too casual.  And yes, I totally own this shirt.  I freaking love Alice in Wonderland.

But I digress.

I’ve sent out numerous queries at places in Pennsylvania, Maryland, Virginia, and West Virginia for possible book signings.  I contacted a place about a release party.  So, now we wait.  In the meantime, I’m starting to write my press information for when the book is released, such as biographies, book information, and information for press releases.  I’ve talked to someone about getting professional headshots taken.

Exhausting.

It’s a good thing I’m medicated, but this is turning into Book-nado.  Sure, it’s a little less than a year away, but there is still sooooooo much to do.  And, before I know it, I’m going to be sitting at a place somewhere (totally specific, I know) freaking out that no one is going to show up for my signing.  It’ll be like getting stood up for prom.  Or ordering a Primanti’s sandwich and dill pickle, then opening up your bag and realizing they forgot to give you the pickle.  Sads.

To combat all this, I started plotting out a new book.  Because, you know, I still am under the impression I have loads and loads of spare time.  And I’m over two hundred pages into my current historical.  So, you know.  Keeping busy.  These days if I blink too long, I just fall asleep anyway.

The moral of this blog post is: Come to my book signing.  Please.

 

2 Comments

  1. I would love to come to your book signing! But sadly I live in the middle of the country. Have you tried contacting public libraries or bookstores? Or are you wanting historical places? Either way, I’m sure you’ll find something!

    I vote to wear whatever you want! It’s your party, after all!

  2. If your book is as entertaining as your blog, it ought to sell extravagantly.

    Go-go boots. Everybody’s got some oddball thing in their secret Amazon wish list.

    Me, I’d love a feather boa, and not a skinny, cheap one, either. Big, fat, blood red feather boa. After that, the clothes are inconsequential.

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