Don’t be jealous of my boogie. And by the way: I’m old.

It was a busy weekend, kids.

The only writing I accomplished this weekend was a single paragraph I wrote while awkwardly waiting for a wedding rehearsal to start. The only reason I ended up writing it was because there was a fifteen foot crucifix in the front of the church and I felt…inappropriate using my cellphone for Facebook in front of Jesus like that. It felt like He was giving me the side-eye.

And speaking of side-eyes, let me tell you. This kid was the only Protestant in a sanctuary full of Catholics. Even The Hubs–who was in the wedding party–is Catholic. I am not. I was literally The Awkward Protestant sitting instead of kneeling. The. Only. One.

The only Catholic thing I know how to do is the appropriate passing of “The Peace” which unfortunately never happened at this particular ceremony.

My shoe fell off mid-ceremony. Had trouble getting it back on. But yeah, there I was. The Awkward Protestant. The heathen non-communion taking, transubstantiation verses consubstantiation, back row Baptist making eyes with the groomsman. Happily, it was the groomsman I’m married to: The Awkward Catholic.

Then the reception happened and let me tell you: I’m old. I’m way old. I discovered this when I was rocking out to an NSync Mega Mix with one of the bridesmaids. I said, “This was my life in highschool!” Which, yes, is a random thing to say to a bridesmaid, but whatever. It seemed appropriate at the time.

She replied, “This came out when I was in elementary school!”

I died a little instead. Not gonna lie.

Then I danced on the head table with a groomsman to “Everybody (Rock Your Body)” by the Backstreet Boys and all was forgotten.

My legs still hurt today.

I cannot remember the last time I’ve danced until 12:30am. I’m pretty sure it’s never happened, especially not since I’ve become A Parent and my Parent bedtime is 11:30pm. No, responsibility stole my dancing shoes and I just do Parent things nowadays. Like pay bills. And work. And fold underpants.

Ah, but The Hubs and I were living it up on Saturday! I did the Harlem Shake. I don’t even know what that is, but I did it. A girl with a mohawk hit on me. That was new! I stood in a circle with peeps The Hubs works with and sang Journey and Bon Jovi at the top of my lungs while simultaneously thinking, “Part of you weren’t even born when these songs were popular!” I hid behind The Hubs after two back-to-back trips to the bar assuming the bartender wouldn’t notice me–even though he totally did–and still had the equilibrium to do the Cupid Shuffle and the Cha Cha Slide. I was told I was “the life of the party at Table One” and “gorgeous” and let me tell you, fellow wedding attendee, you can be my BFF for life.

It was amazing.

But no writing happened, other than Random Paragraph. I got a couple more book rejections and then sent out some more submissions, including one medium-sized publisher who takes unagented manuscripts. So that’s pretty exciting.

And in other news, the much-lauded 150th Reenactment at Gettysburg is happening in six days. Say what? I was blogging about this heralded and anticipated event last year. How is it only six days away?

I checked the weather reports for Gettysburg. Yeah, obviously a ten-day forecast is useless. This week the weather is in the 90s. Next week looks like the low to mid 80s and chance of thunderstorms. Here’s what I anticipate happening:

1. I “dress out” and run amok on the battlefield in full 1860s garb, sweating like a pig and dodging torrential downpours like I’m made of sugar. OR
2. I wear a tank and shorts and watch three artillery batteries and 1500 infantry gents sweat their balls off in wool and jean cloth. And dodge torrential downpours.

In the midst of all this is the all-encompassing bathroom issue, which is concerning. I’m prepared to bring a bucket and a box of kitty litter because lord knows how much awesomeness a port-a-John in sweltering temperatures maintains. I’ll be armed with toilet paper and a prayer.

And yes, I’ll be blogging about it. Maybe not the bathroom part. Okay. Yes, probably the bathroom part too.



  1. I can’t wait. Plus, I’m still chuckling over: “I’ll be armed with toilet paper and a prayer.” Reminds me of all those porta-pottys at my daughter’s summer softball tournaments. Those were times I only wished she had taken up volleyball in air-conditioned gyms.

    1. Even in the best of times, Port-A-Johns are terrifying. I’m always afraid of spiders! I have a feeling that, due to my strong aversion to outdoor toilets, my children will select outdoor sports lol!

    1. We’re going over on Sunday and will be there through Wednesday or Thursday. The Rowdy Boys will be crashing at my in laws since we will be running amok and sleeping in the car and/or ground. It would be great to meet up if you’re there! We will be in Pitzers Woods, near the terrible Longstreet Monument.

  2. It sounds like you had a great time at the wedding! I haven’t done the Harlem Shake, but I have done the Wop and it was awkward for my 500 year old self. Have fun in Gettysburg and good luck with those submissions!

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