Mr. Dobolina, Mr. Bob Dobolina. Mr. Dobolina, Mr. Bob Dobolina. (Monkees fans? Anyone? That’s a pretty obscure song, but always comes to mind when I hear the word zilch. Especially since…you know, that’s the title of the song.)
But look! This is a Z titled blog post which means….I completed the A to Z Challenge! I blogged every day this month. Joy! Accomplishment! It was sketchy there at times. I’ll be honest, not necessarily some of my best blog posts. But the challenge was met and I came out victorious. Ba. Zing.
Anyway, so last night I decided it was high time to start working on my synopsis. Because, you know, there’s only eighteen days until the writer’s conference and I need to start getting my tail in gear. I haven’t written a synopsis since 2008.
And now I remember why.
I sat on the couch, staring at my notebook–because writing something I don’t want to write seemed that much better when writing it in pen–and realized: yeah. This sucks.
It was similar to the reaction the first time I stood up after having a baby. Yeah. Sucks. Not that writing a synopsis is similar to having stitches in your crotch (then again, maybe it is), but it’s more along the lines of a chore. Maybe that’s a better metaphor. To me, writing the synopsis is like dusting. Or vacuuming. Or cleaning out underneath the china cupboard.
And speaking of cleaning out underneath the china cupboard. I did that particular task over the weekend. Can I just say how horrified I was to find an old potato? And old doesn’t even justify it. It was rubbery. It was wrinkled. It looked like it had started to grow protuberances but then became so old that it just gave up. I have no idea how it got under there. I’m not entirely sure I want to know how it got there. But there you go. The Ballad of the Lost Potato.
The Hubs watched me struggle with starting the synopsis and said, “Wait, what are you doing again?”
“I’m taking this,” I referenced the 313 page hard copy manuscript sitting on my lap. “And writing out the entire plot line in one page of awesomeness.”
He looked at the binder. Then he looked at me. “Good luck with that.”
If it wasn’t required for one of the pitch sessions, I wouldn’t be worrying about The One Page Synopsis of Doom and Despair like I am right now. And have been since 9:30 last night. I researched how to write a synopsis. That’s fine. I get it. But understanding how to do it and actually making it happen are two separate things. Query letter? Not worried. Six page synopsis? Bring it on. But one page? I just…ugh. I have no motivation.
Lets not even talk about the fact I also need to come up with a pitch, both for the one minute pitch session and the ten minute pitch session. I’ve shoved that worry to the side and replaced it with trying to figure out what shoes to wear in order to decrease my odds of tripping and falling on my face.
I need better priorities.
So, that’s what’s on my plate for this week:
- Bake cookies. Twice.
- Write the entire one page synopsis, whether I like it or not.
- Start thinking about the query letter.