In a surprising turn of events, I didn’t suck at Cornhole

So, today was the long awaited Cornhole tournament. I was not looking forward to our appointed time slot and matchup, mainly due to my aforementioned lack of any reasonable eye-hand coordination.

Work buddy Jossie was in charge of said tournament and, in fact, drafted Jackie and I into playing. I say drafted because Jossie came up and told us, “By the way, you guys are a team.”

Horrifying Moment of the Day #1 happened when Jossie came to my desk and said, “You guys are up next.”

Horrifying Moment of the Day #2 happened when Jackie and I got down to the court (?) and discovered there were spectators.

Crap. I expected to crash and burn, but not publicly crash and burn.

We bypassed the “Walking Taco” table, because really, nothing spells disaster more than meat, heat, and sport. And on a side note, apparently everyone is familiar with the “Walking Taco” phenomenon but me. Why am I not on the bandwagon with this???

So anyway, Jackie and approached the brackets to review our competition. We were Team ‘Stache and we brought props: mustaches on a stick. And although it was never fully explained to me, it was apparently the quarter finals and we were playing a team that had already won.

So there was added pressure.

The Cornhole boards seemed to be approximately twenty yards apart. They weren’t, of course, but Jackie and I both verbally expressed our doubt that we could throw that far.

“It’s regulation distance,” we were told.

Wait, there’s regulations? You mean to tell me this is a legitimate sport?

We were assured it was.

Basically, a member of each team stands at a board and lobs a bean bag at the opposing board. It’s like horseshoes…but with bean bags and a board. You aim for a hole in the board. You get three points if the bag goes in the hole. You get one point if your bag lands on the board.

Wait, this is scored?

It gets better. If the opposing team gets their bag in the hole, it cancels out three points. A bag on the board? Cancel out one point. So for example, if I get a bag in the hole and you get three on the board, everything is canceled out and no points are scored.

“I’ll take your word for it,” I said to whoever was listening.

I was handed my bean bags. “I didn’t know this was a real game with real rules.”

“Should I stretch first?” Jackie asked. “Maybe do some squats?”

The gentlemen we were playing laughed. You know they were thinking, “We’ve totally got this.”

Horrifying Moment of the Day #3 happened when we won.

I still can’t explain it! I scored points, I knocked the other teams bean bags off the board and took away their points! How we got to 21 points I’ll never know. But there it was, right there on the official brackets: Team ‘Stache. Semi finals.

“I think I tore my rotator cuff,” Jackie said.

Our expectations caught up with us though, as we were eliminated in the semi finals. We went down fighting though, I’ll tell you that. It was an incredible game, as Cornhole games go. In fact, we were down 13 -zip when we staged an incredibly slow but impressive comeback.

And believe it or not, but the word got out. “The innocent girls who said, ‘what’s this game?’ and then kicked our butts.”

It’s true. We may have lost, but we dominated.

And it was insanely fun.

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