Of deodorant, wet iPhones, and wedding extravaganzas!

So, it was one of those days.

There are just some days where I just…I don’t know, I struggle.  That time I called the sex line instead of the Spanish interpreter/language services.  That time I emailed an HR rep and apologized for the “constipation” instead of the “inconvenience”.  That time as I child I slid down a pile of gravel and ripped the back of my neon pants open (it was the 90s, don’t pretend like you weren’t wearing neon pants too).

This weekend started out with an experiment of sorts: I bought clinical strength deodorant.  I know, that’s really random.  But, look, I’m cute and pretend to be glamorous, but I have rank underarms.  It started after Older Child was born.  Evidently, I turned into The Hubs because after Older Child was born, all I did was sweat, eat steak, and drink beer.

I’m a glam-azon.  Whatev.

So a fancy pants display (and when I say fancy pants display, what I mean is a sale sticker hanging off the shelf) distracted me at Target and, next thing I know, I’m buying a seven dollar squat container of deodorant.  It promised to be summer fresh and would…I don’t know, make me smell less like I just got finished working in the mines and instead was an elegant author.  You know, like Meryl Streep in She-Devil.

My main concern was that it would melt my arms off or something.

I had to go to an offsite meeting Thursday, so I starting packing up my gear about twenty minutes before I had to leave.  That gave me time to pee and fix my eyeliner.  So, I shoved my phone into my back pocket and headed off to the bathroom.  Makeup fixed, hair brushed, and then….I went to pee.

The next thing I remember is the horrifying plop! splash! sound from behind me.  The cold fist of fear stilled my heart (no, really, that’s the nice way of saying a hissed “fuck me”) and I straightened, turned, and saw….you guess it, my damn iPhone just chilling in the bottom of the toilet.

Here’s the first thing that came to mind:

  • Oh shit!

Here’s the second thing that came to mind:

  • Get it!

So, yeah, I pulled it out of the toilet and dried it off.  I stared at it.  Now what?  What happens when you drop your phone in water?  I mean, is it at this point now a total loss?  Should I just head to my meeting and then to the phone store?  Most importantly, how can I live without my phone?

Well, as legit as these questions were, I had to get to my meeting.  So, I threw my phone into a baggie filled with like, a third way up with rice.  It was not awesome.

But the phone still works.

Hey, I’m not asking questions.  I pried the side of the phone open later and the sim card was dry.  This seems good.  The camera?  Still works.  Touchscreen?  Still works.  Music?  Good and loud.  So, thus far, the phone has survived its first (and hopefully only) dip in the toilet.  I’m so clumsy.

fun coupleBut not so clumsy I can’t dance!  My BFF Rachel Elise got married yesterday, in a gorgeous ceremony.  I’m five years older than Rachel (I remember visiting her mom in the hospital after she was born.  Her mom gave me a pink bubble gum cigar) and we grew up together.  The groomsman I was paired up with was her cousin Christopher and I’ve also known him his whole life.  Christopher is my kind of guy: he breaks out into song.  He dances at a moments notice.

We dubbed ourselves The Fun Couple.

When it was time to walk in and be announced, we actually weren’t sure what music we were dancing in to—so, we discussed dance options.  Because dancing is always an option.  We’d settled on possibilities of disco, jazz hands, and spirit fingers.

And then we got to dance in to Glenn Miller’s In the Mood.  Sing, Sing, Sing.  Whatever you want to call it: check us out.  We danced and jived our way into the 1800s barn that the wedding was in like the pros we are (okay, that he is.  He’s going to school for music; I’m just weird).  We danced and sang the entire night away.  I’m so happy for the adorable couple!  Shut up and dance with me.

Of note, the clinical strength deodorant did not hold up like I’d hoped.  I applied before the salon appointment and after.  By the time Cute Groomsman Levi asked me to dance, I smelled like armpit.  Gross.  Gross!!!  I’m seriously ready to just start wearing a fanny pack and carrying deodorant with me all the time.  Is that deodorant in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Glamorous.  Always glamorous and sophisticated.

Requesting book reviews is so hard, I had to eat cake

Well, to be fair, I probably would have eaten the cake anyway.

Two days ago, I celebrated the fourth anniversary of my 29th birthday.  Ehhhhh.  Three years into my Dirty Thirties and I ate a lot of cake, chip-chop ham (what’s up, Pittsburgh food?), and weird quinoa chips that I’m still not sure how I felt about.  And then I went to bed early.

Today’s list of Things To Do includes:

  • Blog (yo yo yo)
  • P90x3 (it’s currently 90 degrees out, so I’m putting that on the proverbial back burner)
  • Run (natch)
  • Request reviews for With Me Now

Now.

Let’s talk about requesting reviews.  On a scale of 1 to 10, with one being bad and 10 being “Invade Russia in Winter”, requesting book reviews was a firm and stressful 3. Maybe a 4.  Here’s how it works:

1.  Research reviewers

My time was cut down but utilizing the Indie Book Reviewers List.

2.  Decide if reviews are a) accepting paranormal books and b) accepting reviews at all.

Because a lot of reviewers aren’t.

3.  Write witty request, personalized and individualized but still professional and awesome.

Poor spellers need not apply.

4.  Attach book with some emails, some without, some with my picture, and that one I forgot to attach my cover to, even though it was in her submission request guidelines.

**Important note** read their submission guidelines.  Requesting a review is horrifically similar to send query letters to agents.  You wouldn’t slide the printed copy of your 800 pages manuscript under the stall door in the mall, would you?  No.  Well, you shouldn’t.  Look, I don’t even like making eye contact with people in the restrooms at the mall, so if you’re out trying to approach agents/reviewers/potential dates/Harry Styles in the bathroom, just stop.  For all of us.  Stop.

5.  Wait.

I went through like, four pages on the website and got so stressed out, I cut myself a generous slice of leftover birthday cake and took a break.  Yieeeesh.  Why is this so hard?  This shouldn’t be hard.  I wrote the darn book.  I’m generally familiar with myself.  So, why can’t I just bundle it all up into a tidy email?

Who knows.  I’m sure it’s some kind of fear of rejection/having lived too close to creosote and nuclear power plants for the majority of my life.  I’m socially awkward.  This is why you need to come to my book review/release/lets hang out at a winery in Gettysburg next month.  Watch me avert eye contact and say noncommittal things like, “Wow, thank you so much for coming out!  This is so awesome!”

Completely unrelated: I’m sitting here blogging while Younger Son is watching Sesame Street.  Of note, I’m really not thrilled with wrong sounding Muppets and Will.I.Am is singing and honestly looks so bored that I’m just waiting for him to storm offstage or kick a Muppet.  Ugh, 1980s.  I crave you.

Anyway.

So, I’ll post if/when reviews ever get posted for With Me Now.  I do, in fact, have one awesome review posted by my girl, Theophania.  Read it here.  And while you’re at it, be my friend on Goodreads.  People get very excited about Goodreads and I use like, an nth of a percent of it.  I need to get better at the far reaches of social media.  Jeez Louise.

Okay, break time is over.  Back to the salt mines.

Hold onto your butts: The Review Party is back on!

Get out your 2015 social calendars and write this down: August 23, 2015.  Sunday.  1pm to 3pm at The Adams Country Winery.  I’m going to be there signing print copies of my recent release, With Me Now.  YES!  Evernight Publishing is fabulous.  Let’s be honest.  I was crushed when I was going to have to cancel everything for that weekend.  Evernight didn’t even bat an eyelash when I asked them about it, so we’re on.  Like Donkey Kong.

So, come out and hang out with me.  We can laugh and chat and have a fantastic time.  I’m going to have a ton of With Me Now stuff to giveaway.  “Swag” as the kids call it these days.  Maybe we all drink some wine together!  Anyway, this is a laid back, fun day.  I’m not a serious person and I’m bad at reading out loud, so come for prizes, books, and hilarious repartee.  Remember:

  • August 23, 2015
  • Sunday
  • 1pm to 3pm
  • Adams County Winery

bookreleaseheatherI’m telling you.  Be there.  Look how excited I am for everyone to come and hang out with me.  We can all process from the party to the battlefield and hang out.  The Hubs and at least one reader (Gburgjedi, I’m looking at you) are authorities on the battle.  So come and learn something new!  It’s going to be epic.

In other news, I’ve finally established two works in progress to work on, when I’m not out peddling With Me Now.  Project A: the sequel to With Me Now.  Because, you know, we can leave our friends hanging out post-Gettysburg.  And no spoilers because, remember: if you win this month’s contest (for those just tuning in, read With Me Now leave a review on Evernight’s site and on Amazon by the end of July and you can win something awesome) that mean’s you’ll already know what happens at the end.  The sequel will pick up a few months later.

What you can expect: more archeology, more sex, and more turn of the century shenanigans!

Project B: Project B is a Civil War historical fiction.  Because that’s how I roll.  I actually had three plots to choose from (again, HaydenAlonzobecause that’s how I roll.  I’m not happy unless I’m stressing out over multiple projects) and the winner….drum roll please….is about the 1st Minnesota Infantry.  Yeah!

For those of you who’ve been here awhile, you know about this guy: Private Alonzo C. Hayden of the 1st Minnesota’s Company D, who was mortally wounded and died on the battlefield following the charge of the 1st Minnesota.  Expect more of him in my novel.  I nearly went blind the other night reading census records and military records about him, just to learn more about who he was.

It’s hard to just pull a person out of history and try to figure out who they were.  Like, for example, my ancestor John Hanway.  He was a Union soldier with the 13th West Virginia and he died at Camp Douglas.  That’s all I know about him.  He was 21 when he died.  Alonzo was 24.  I’m starting to feel industrious and want to request their military records.  Caveat: I don’t know if you can request the records of someone you aren’t related to, so I don’t know if I can request anything about Alonzo.  Stay tuned for that.

Note: I enjoy his picture and my picture together.  He’s brutally hot and I don’t care about the potential weirdness of that statement.  I’ve never once insinuated that I’m normal.

So, hey, things are looking awesome!  With Me Now is available, there’s more writing in the works, and, according to my other publisher, I’ll be finding out the new release date for Anything You Ask of Me.  So, there’s that.  Plus, Since April is with my agent and that’s fantastic….

….and in a few weeks, I get to see One Direction in concert!!  Yaaaaaaaay!!!

Oh, and I recently bought a FitBIt, so all this jumping up and down and dancing around like a maniac is really adding to my step count.  Yesterday was the first time I met my step goal (10,000 steps) and it scared the crap out of me when it started vibrating on my arm.  I thought the silly thing was about to blow up or steal my car or something.

Evernight Release: Obsession By Design

OBSESSION BY DESIGN –
The Weathermen 2
***Click HERE to purchase directly from
Evernight Publishing***

BLURB

On her first day working for Emmett Radcliffe, President of Radcliffe Software and Web Design, Liane Peyton learns that Emmett hired her not only for her design skills, but for her coding abilities. Liane finds herself building a secret database for Emmett and his friends, but saving the planet isn’t Emmett’s only obsession. He has his sights set on Liane, and he will stop at nothing to have her.

Emmett is part of a group of friends financing the efforts to put a stop to The Madeline Project. The program now has a mind of its own, thanks to a virus called Tommy Twister. These men have power, resources, and money, but they’re as ruthless and possessive as the storms ravaging Earth.

They call themselves the Weathermen…

ADULT EXCERPT

She pushed her hips against his erection and moved her tongue over his, imitating his movements. She needed this man inside her right now or she was going to die from desire. Was that possible? It had to be, because she’d never felt such intense longing.

His mouth still on hers, he backed her up against the sideboard and then released the kiss. “Turn around.”

Once again, she obeyed without hesitation. Emmett leaned her over the furniture. He tugged her hair until her head was back, and then he licked her neck. “I’m going to fuck you, Liane. And you’re going to take it.”

She cried out in pleasure as he moved his other hand over her ass, giving each cheek a couple of hard smacks. The dress wasn’t thick, and it stung, but she absolutely adored it. He let go of her hair and pushed the dress up, revealing her ass. “Oh yes. I knew you had a nice one.” His hands caressed her cheeks, moving down the backs of her thighs and up her lower back. “You are exquisite.”

Liane didn’t answer him. She couldn’t. All she could do was close her eyes and absorb the sensations. Never had she been taken like this. This was heady and raw. It sent her emotions spiraling out of control and her arousal to places it had never gone.

He told her to spread her legs a bit, and then he slipped a finger into her ass crack and underneath to her throbbing clit, over and over, until she pushed back against him and writhed against his touch. “Please…” she whispered.

His lips grazed her neck. “Please what?”

“Oh…”

Emmett slid a finger between her moist folds and Liane cried out again as fresh desire raced through her. “You are soaking wet.”

“I can’t help it. You did that to me.”

“Mmmm… I can’t wait to taste it.”

Her exhale came out in a shudder, and when he pushed his other hand into the opening at the front of the dress and placed it over her left breast, she began to whimper. He rolled her nipple between his thumb and forefinger while she shook her head back and forth, silently begging for release.

“I wonder how these taste.”

“Please.”

“Tell me what you want, Liane. In detail. Or I won’t do anything more than I’m doing right now for the entire night.”

How the hell did he have this kind of control? Was he human?

“I want you to make love to me.”

He chuckled, and shivers ran up and down her spine. Emmett gave her nipple a squeeze, and the tiny jolt of electricity it sent straight to her clit forced a loud moan from her. “You’re going to have to do better than that, gorgeous. Come on. Use your imagination.”

Shit. He was going to torture her with sex. “Okay. I want you to lick that.”

Another squeeze, this one tighter. She cried out again. “That what? Use real names. Come on, Liane. You’re a grown women with a lush body. Own it. Tell me what you want me to do to every square inch of it.”

“Spank me more. I loved that. And lick my nipples. And suck them. Please.”

“Good girl.” His hand moved to the other breast, where he proceeded to tease it in the same way. Then he slipped a long finger into her pussy, slowly, while she let out a long moan. “Don’t stop. Tell me more. What else do you want me to do to you?”

“Fuck me. With your tongue, your fingers, and your dick.”

“Good girl. Very good.” He moved his finger in and out gently, and the movement sent shock waves straight to her clit. She was going to come. No doubt about it.

“I can’t think anymore.”

He kissed her neck. “Yes you can.”

“You mentioned tying me to your bed.”

“Yes, I did.” That voice! It washed over her until no other sound existed. “Tell me about that. What do you picture when you think about it?”

“I’ve always had fantasies.”

He moaned softly as he continued playing with her nipple and her pussy. “Is that true? Tell me about them. Please, Liane.”

The realization this was turning him on just as much sent her excitement level through the roof. “I want you to tie me down and spank me, and then fuck me silly. Fuck me until neither one of us can breathe.”

“Oh my God. You shall have your wish, beautiful lady. But first, if I don’t get inside that hot, wet pussy I’m going to come in my pants.”

***CLICK THE IMAGE BELOW TO MEET ALL THE WEATHERMEN***

Evernight Release: Vanquished

I’ve been out of the reading loop for an obscene amount of time.  Since With Me Now debuted with Evernight Publishing, I’ve met a ton of awesome authors and my TBR list is growing.  Time to dust off my Kindle!  Here’s one of those authors: Allyson Young!

Vanquished

Vanquished coverIn the future, Earth negotiated a treaty with the Shadalla, only to wage another war with the Juxtant. Together, humans and Shadalla defeat that mortal enemy, but corruption and greed always prevails.

Vayne Palldyn, Sovereign of the planet Nibiru, is determined that his species not become extinct, and will take revenge on those who unleashed that genetic bio weapon. His kind has kidnapped human women before, and despite the Treaty none returned to Earth—the Shadalla have a biological advantage in seducing Chosen mates.

Honorably discharged warrior Neira Grekhov boards the starship Astris, seeking peace but succumbing to soul sickness. Until the Astris is boarded by pirates.

Spying Neira ferociously defending her fellow passengers, Vayne pursues her, as his Chosen. Neira resists, and despite healing her emotionally the Sovereign wonders if he must concede defeat at the hands of this infuriating woman.

Then the stars align and truths are discovered…

http://www.evernightpublishing.com/vanquished-by-allyson-young/

https://www.allromanceebooks.com/product-vanquished-1841088-147.html

http://www.bookstrand.com/vanquished-mf

http://www.amazon.com/Vanquished-Allyson-Young-ebook/dp/B010EKJXA8/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1435345776&sr=1-1&keywords=allyson+young+vanquished

Excerpt

Daggers at the ready, the three pirates once again approached the doors. Vayne spied a young, fair-haired male standing wide-eyed, his mouth dropping open as Barek, Duff and their Captain charged from the lift. Vayne followed on their heels, wincing as they mowed the young man down with a hit to the head. Then all chaos descended.

A significantly smaller figure, dressed completely in black, waded into the triangle of pirates. It laid Barek low with well-placed blows to his knees and an uppercut to his jaw as he fell to the ground. The baton inflicting the punishment flashed in a blur of movement to match the warrior’s whirling grace. Vayne was already moving to assist when the fighting dervish dealt with Duff, body moving with grace and deadly intent, bringing the pirate down with punishment to his kidneys. Short black hair gleamed in the harsh lighting as the warrior spun to take on Captain Ristos.

Vayne used his shocker, nearly catching one slender, black clad shoulder as their opponent made contact with Ristos’ ribcage, the baton making a dull, wet sound. But the little warrior whirled out of range, turning to renew the attack, and the bolt spent itself harmlessly against the bulkhead. Vayne’s cock filled and stood at full attention, causing him considerable discomfort in his tight-fitting space uniform. By the shades of Turco, it was a female. He locked eyes with orbs a brilliant shade of the golden gemstones so prized on his planet before she charged, moving gracefully on the balls of her bare feet.

“He dies!” Duff’s howl cut through the tension as Vayne prepared to defend himself, and the female halted, stumbling as she did so. Duff held his weapon at the young male’s throat, vicious intent written across his features.

“No, don’t,” the lithe beauty called out, and Vayne watched, transfixed, as she dropped to her knees, carefully laying down the lethal weapon she used so efficiently. She then clasped her hands behind her neck.

Nothing in her posture spoke of true submission, but it didn’t matter to Vayne’s cock. That appendage throbbed painfully and he was at a loss as to how to calm it. Never had he ever… Vayne struggled to make his body move. Ristos moved first.

Kicking aside the baton, he gestured to Duff, who released his hold on the still-unconscious young male. Was this woman attached to the man? Vayne shook his head. It didn’t matter. She was now his.

“Secure her.”

Ristos bent and clipped a pair of solar cuffs around the woman’s wrists, and Vayne approved of how efficient the captain was, yet afforded the little female respect. He wasn’t the only male to appreciate her attempt to defend this deck. The restraints emitted slight whirring sounds as they engaged. Charged by any light source, they were virtually impervious to tampering and would open only to the owner’s print. Vayne pulled the control from the captain’s hand, entered his own print to replace that of Ristos’, then crushed the control beneath his boot.

As desperate as the Shadalla were, their scientists had confirmed the compatibility of Earth females to breed and bear their children, and some of his species’ males had actually found their chosen. Gone was Vayne’s need to merely pick a female out of the women on this ship, using careful parameters to ensure she was suited for his position, able to bear his children, and of a nature and appearance to stimulate his desires in order to put those offspring in her belly. Royal concubines weren’t unheard of, after all, and the odds of him finding a chosen were slight. But he couldn’t look any further, impossibly drawn to this imperious warrior at his feet. And should he ever be fortunate enough to find an actual chosen mate, this lovely woman would retain concubine status, regardless.

“Bring the men out. Offer. I’ll send my exec to scrutinize the females.” He wasn’t that overwhelmed to forget he had a duty to other men in his service.

He reached down and fit a hand under the elbow of the female, and his world turned upside down. The physical attraction had been immediate, granted. But the instant he touched her and her scent enveloped him, his brain exploded with a revelation he’d only experienced once in his life—and a very subdued and pale version at that. One manipulated by science. Vayne didn’t need another minute with her to understand the symptoms and wished to shout his joy out loud. She was a chosen and not his future concubine. She came up with the lightness of gossamer, and only his quick reflexes saved him from a knee to the groin as he turned to catch the blow on his thigh. Little spitfire. 

About the Author

Allyson Young lives in cottage country in Manitoba, Canada with her husband of many years and numerous pets. She worked in the human services all across Canada and has seen the best and worst of what people bring to the table. Allyson has written for years, mostly short stories and poetry, published in small newspapers and the like, although her work appeared in her high school yearbooks too! After reading an erotic romance, quite by accident, she decided to try her hand at penning erotica.

Allyson will write until whatever she has inside her is satisfied- when all the heroes man up and all the heroines get what they deserve. Love isn’t always sweet, and Allyson favours the darker side of romance.

 http://www.allysonyoung.com

 allysonyoung45@gmail.com

 

So, there’s some good news, and some bad news…

Remember on Family Guy when Stewie started his own business and gave Brian his first employee review?  He did a “compliment sandwich” you know, to soften the blow of a bad review?

Note: I have not had a bad book review on With me Now.  My sole review has been positive.

Anyway, let’s start with something positive!  On August 22/23, 2015, I’ll be in my favorite place, Gettysburg.  Here you’ll be able to find me:

  • Running the Hard Cider 5k
  • Drinking at the Gettysburg Brewfest at the Lutheran Theological Seminary
  • Traversing the battlefield with my BFF Sara and her hubs, Jai, and my hubs, The Hubs

What you will not find me doing, which is the bad news portion of the blog post, is having my book release party for Anything You Ask of Me.  Unfortunately, the release date for it has been pushed back to a date.  I don’t know what date.  But a date.  The publisher just told me this week, so I’ll keep you posted on the new release date, new release party, etc.  So, yeah, that’s a huge bummer because we’ve been sitting here together, for a long time, waiting to rock out to Anything You Ask of Me.

And that’s all I’m going to say about that.

So, in the other portion of the compliment sandwich, is that Evernight Publishing, the awesome publisher who’s handling With Me Now, has upped the game and getting me set up for a signing.  SO, this means, hurry on down to Gettysburg the weekend of August 22/23/24 and I’ll be cavorting about town: drinking, running 5ks, and signing books.  I’m going to try and get some promotional material for Anything You Ask of Me and have that for you guys as well.  Or, for Sara and Jai and The Hubs, if no one else can show up.  Stay tuned for pictures of me taking selfies on a ghost tour, carrying an Anything You Ask of Me t-shirt and carrying a With Me Now tote bag.  Hipsta’ please.

july2015In other news, yesterday was the 4th of July (we briefly raised a glass of tea to my British heritage and called it “Treason Day”) and our house, per the usual, celebrated our Independence.  I jogged because I have to up my running game from “no running” to “runner.”   I was completely bummed at having to cancel my release party and a book signing, but the run helped.  Look how pale I am.  I’m literally reflecting the light.  I am, however, very patriotic in red, white, and blue.

The Rowdy Boys, now 3 and 5 for those keeping score, have never been to see fireworks.  This is due to the fact my children are inherently introverted and find no enjoyment doing fun things like dressing up for Halloween, trick or treating, Easter Egg hunts, fireworks, etc.  This year, however, The Hubs and I put our collective feet down and hustled them off to the part for fireworks.

We arrived approximately two hours early.  This was in part due to the fact that we had nothing else to do and also because the time listed was 4:30 to 10.  So there’s that.

We scoped out a good spot, put down our towels, and kicked off our shows, ready to listen to the band (side note: there wasboys no band, just random singers, but I feel taking the opportunity to cite a Monkees song is a good opportunity indeed).  The Rowdy Boys then proceeded to steal a bat and a Frisbee from two separate families.  Well, they didn’t mean to; the actual ownership of all the bats, Frisbees, balls, two random Lacrosse sticks, and a hockey stick was pretty vague.  Anyway.  We wrangled them in.

Older Child actually really enjoyed the fireworks (he’s very into tanks right now).  I was excited because normally he’s horrified by loud noises.

Younger Child fell asleep.

So, that’s been my week.  This coming weekend?  Family reunion.  Next week?  The 4th anniversary of my 29th birthday (drink ’em if you got ’em, friends), the next week Wedding Extravaganza.  Not mine, obvs, but my friend Rachel, who I’ve known since she was born (I’m five years older).  Things will be busy.

In the meantime, I’m focusing on writing paranormal right now.  I’m nervous on the historical front, mainly because of all this recent backlash about the Confederate Flag and, honestly, it’s not a fun time to be a reenactor on either side of the field.  We’ll see what happens.

Oh, and remember: we’re still having that awesome little contest here on The Rambling Jour: if you read/review With Me Now by the end of July, you’ll be entered in a random contest to win a random gift.  I have three things you can pick from.  Be very excited.

Please enter. My mother doesn’t need to win AGAIN.

Buy links: With Me Now

As Book Release Day draws to a close, I’ve been a happy camper.  And for those who were wondering, today’s theme song turned out to be “Everything is Awesome” from The Lego Movie.  Everyone at Day Job who came to me with a complaint today got a ridiculously wide smile and a giddy, “But it’s Book Release Day!  Everything is awesome!”

Yes.

A huge, HUGE thanks to those who left me sweet comments on Facebook, bought my book, or tweeted about my on Twitter!  I felt like a princess all day.

But, to the point: So, you’re interested in buying With Me Now?  You can use these links below:

Evernight Publishing

Amazon

Don’t forget the challenge–buy With Me Now and write a review by the end of July and one lucky awesome reader/reviewer will get to pick of prize of their choice.  Yay!  Reviews are awesome!

And, in other news, a cat showed up on my back porch this week and today I took him to the vet, just to make sure he wasn’t the catalyst for the zombie apocalypse or something (Zombie Kittah!!!!).  I’m in love.  Happy Book Release Day, Kittah!!

That moment of exhaustion when you become a published author

You know that look Olympic torch runners get, just as they’re starting to approach the Cauldron, preparing to the light the flame that will shine over the “We get along so well!” best two weeks of television sports coverage/don’t call me because I’m watching the Olympics moment of epic-ness?

That’s the moment I’m envisioning I’m having right now.

I’m also envisioning that there’s theme music.  I’ve narrowed it down to:

  • From This Moment
  • We Are the Champions
  • Champion (by RuPaul–I sing this in my head every time something good happens)
  • The Theme from Bonanza

Here’s what actuality would be playing if this moment had musical accompaniment:

  • Flagpole Sitta

With Me Now is now available for you and all your friends to buy.  Yes.  Oh, Random Contemporary.  Sniff.  I remember when you were a hilarious distraction from the seriousness of my other books.  Now, you’re a thing.

Shameless self-promotion: Click here to purchase With Me Now as an ebook.  I don’t know how to sign and ebook for you, but if we can figure it out together, I will.  And I’ll write something sassy.

banner 1Guys, this is the moment I’ve dreamed of!  I dreamed about this moment more than dreaming of graduating college or getting a driver’s license or getting drunk at the zoo (wait, what?).  Did I expect to be sitting here in a sports bra and my underwear after working out to p90x3?  No.  No I did not.

But here were are.

I did some research tonight on how to market and ebook or do a book tour and all that jazz (and all that jazz!).  Here’s what I got out of it.  Nothing.  Nothing!  Well, nothing that actually was useful to me.  Most of it required spending money on Facebook Ads (and let’s be honest, my Facebook fan page is pretty crappy) or lots of complex charts and diagrams and a sentence I misread as “show them your Taser” instead of “show them your talent” and I thought, wow, that’s really taking marketing to the extreme….

….So look, here we are on my blog.  I’ll show you my hand: I got nothing.  I’ve got no elaborate marketing plan for a blog tour and frankly, I’m relying on the kindness of my fellow authors at Evernight to host me for a “surprise, it’s my book!” tour.  But hey, I’ll make you a deal.  If you purchase With Me Now and leave a review of what you thought about the book on the Evernight site or on Amazon by the end of July, you can win an awesome prize.  In fact, I’ll let you pick which awesome prize you want.  People, you need to do this.  Somebody other than my mother needs to enter and win.  She’s getting an ego.

Seriously, I’m so excited!  I seriously hope you guys like With Me Now because I, though somewhat biased, think it’s pretty awesome.  Let’s party and do crazy things.  Book release day: It’s on!

Book Release Date: With Me Now

This is happening.

coverOn June 25, With Me Now is being published!  Yes.  YES.  Remember when With Me Now was just innocent Random Contemporary?  We laughed, we joked, we kidded how this wasn’t a thing and then it was a thing?  Well, no more talk.  This is legit happening, through Evernight Publishing, and let me tell you, I am stoked.

Here’s the cover.  Love.  It.

This is book one of The Lazarus Society which, pretty much, means I need to get my butt in gear and finish writing book two.  Now just to find extra time for this to happen (upcoming blog spoiler alert: A 5k or two.  Or three.  Are in my immediate future).

After, I don’t know, a century of submitting/getting rejection/crying/whining/swearing off writing/continuing to write, all of this is happening rather fast.  I mean.  I’ll have a published piece in five days.  Five days.

My goal is to revisit this moment of panic I’m having in, oh, a month or so, and say to myself, “Well, that wasn’t altogether unpleasant.”

In the midst of training for my 5k, working out with P90x3, working Day Job, being momma, and occasionally feeling up The Hubs, I need to figure out how to do a book release.  This is excellent.  This is going to show how well I work under pressure!  That’s like….a resume quality skill right there!

In all seriousness.  What should we do, guys?  What do you want to see?  Tell you what–let’s have a party or something on the 25th.  Sure!  We’ll have some kind of super awesome release party blog post…..thing.  Or maybe I’ll set something up on Facebook, once I figure out how to set something up on Facebook.  Maybe a giveaway?  Maybe I’ll post an excerpt?

Keep an eye out here for updates.  When I figure out what I’m doing, I post an awesome sauce Schedule of Events.  No pressure or anything.  No set up for possible failure, right?  Right.  Let’s do this!

Omg.  It’s happening!  That sound you hear is my joints popping and my knees crackling as I do my victory dance.  Jig, Jig, Jig.

So, this happened: News, updates, and let’s all go to the lobby

For reasons I can’t explain, the song “Let’s all go to the lobby!  And grab ourselves a snack!” has been in my head this afternoon.  Possibly this is due to the fact I feel anytime is a good time to proceed to the lobby and grab a snack.  These days, since I’m in a wedding in July (and we all remember what happened last time I was in a wedding…if you’re just now tuning in, see here and here) so I’m not in Diet Mode.  And Diet Mode means I’m working out 7 days a week and my snacks are carrot sticks.  I’m excited.  I’m now 130 pounds of coiled steel.

Anyway.

So, this just happened: I signed with an agent!  YES!!  Last month, I signed with TZLA Literary Agency, with the awesome Rossano Trentin.  I’m thrilled that he will be handling Since April because that book so near and dear to my heart.  I’m still trying to put my muse back together after that one (shout out to my girl Lindsey: sistas!!).  So, good things are in the works for Since April.  There’s a lot in the pipeline (side note: I’m throwing up in my mouths as I type that, because my crappy manager and my crappy previous job used to say that at our sales meeting every week but it seared into my brain) right now and I’m excited.  And terrified.  But mostly excited.  Upcoming blog spoiler alert: It’ll be the one where I beg you to come to my book release party.

snappysIn other news, part of the reason I’ve been silent (stop laughing, sometimes I’m a quiet person) of late is because I spent two weeks traveling for business.  It was work and it was exciting.  Diet Mode and I did not get along fabulously well during the two weeks I was away.  But look at this tasty little delight I was introduced to: Snappy’s Salads.  Evidently, you can only find Snappy’s Salads in the Dallas area.  Frankly, I’m willing to go back to Dallas for Snappy’s Salads and Edoko Sushi alone.  The salad to the left is the half Bam Bam.  No onions.  Edemame instead.

The deliciousness cannot be adequately explained.

We got lost….well, basically anytime we left the hotel, and literally the only way I found my way from the hotel to the office or the airport to the office was using Snappy’s Salads.  Not that the office didn’t have a legit address, but I didn’t actually know the address.  So, Snappy’s was not only my go to place for lunch, but also a beacon guiding me down the eight lane Dallas highways.  That’s how kids from Western Pennsylvania roll.

Update wise, I still haven’t settled on a new writing project and just keep bouncing back and forth between about three projects and flirting with another on the side.  I need to stop being so indecisive and just stop wandering around the room and actually write.  I’ve set myself a goal of getting mass quantities of writing done before the end of July when I trade in my slack time for my “no time to stop at pee” time.  Namely:

  • Summer Safari (zoo shenanigans!)
  • One Direction concert (mad lusting after Harry Styles; #sorrynotsorry)
  • Book Release Party Extravaganza starring me (panic at the vineyard!)
  • Maine Warrior Salute (supporting our troops and getting dirty in the process!)

And then it’s September and a girl’s thought’s turn to the dreaded annual New Year’s Eve post where I set myself up for failure.  Yeah!

Well, now that it’s near midnight, I’m hungry and need a snack.  No.  Bueno.  Time to go count out some carrot sticks.  If you need me, I’ll be weeping over the vegetable crisper and trying to avoid the enticing gaze of cheese (it’s been a loooong diet, kids).

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